Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
