Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
