wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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