Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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