C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
