Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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