Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
