The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize