Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
