I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
