i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
