So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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