Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
