i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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