Have you finally orgasmed yet?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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