If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
