I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
