now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
