is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
