i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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