It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
