there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
