Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
