Cold hands, warm shart.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
