I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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