There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
