If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
