i'm signing you up for texting rehab
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
