I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
