ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The ass gains better be worth it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
