I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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