there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
