It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
