the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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