Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
