you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
