Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
