and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
