the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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