I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
