She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
