kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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