Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
