Whod you bang
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
