we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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