She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
