I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
