Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
