oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
