how can u be prego again
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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