i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
