Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
