Tell her she can't have a vagina
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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