Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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