then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
