I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
