I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
