I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
please don't ironically join a cult
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