Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
