You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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