I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
