Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
