Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
