He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
