And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
