I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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